"Love you...Call me...I'm in the book..."

9 notes &

Work It

Lots of stuff threadin’ through my mind, like the 70’s…How the music makes me feel free, arms open wide, dancin’ free.  Van Morrison, Chicago, Creedence Clearwater Revival…Back then life was simple enough, but as a teen, I was far from feeling free; it was a complex and dramatic time.  But today I appreciate that time more than ever.  I remember Monterey, the 17-Mile Drive, Cannery Row, Carmel…I love the area. It was where we took family vacations each summer.

The thing about a breakup, it grabs hold of your heart and brain like there’s no tomorrows, just an endless slew of stuff that is hard to let go. It’s also a time of self-reflection - I think a lot about what I want to do, where I want to go, the kind of person I am, and the kind of person that I want to be; confident and courageous.  

It takes work to get there and I am more than ready to do it (ninja stance). If there’s one thing that I can say about myself is that I’m determined plus I have a little of that stuff called tenacity.  I am starting to focus on listening to the messages that I tell myself, a lot of which are negative and replacing them with something positive.  Reads sort of cheesy, but the experts says it works, so I’m going for it.  

Then I started thinking of stuff that I’ve always wanted to do, but for some reason or another, put them off.

I’ve always wanted to learn how to knit.  So this morning I called a knit shop and made an appointment for knitting lessons which start next Tuesday.  I feel almost giddy about it :)

I’ve always wanted to go bicycle riding, like ride to a local coffee shop Sunday mornings and hang out while I read a good book and enjoy a cup of joe.  

So I’m starting to look at bikes.

Last night, I had a date night.  Just me and myself :) 

I went to the movies and saw Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.  It was good. I adore action / thriller movies.  Next on my list is the new Transformer movie.  

I still have moments of heartache and thoughts of disappointments, but with a little help of recognition on where my brain is headed, I try to put a stop to it.  While it is okay to remuniate about the breakup because it’s part of the healing process, there’s a point when I have to stop myself because I don’t want to obsess about it.  In the end there will be the questions that will never be answered and really when it’s all said and done, they don’t matter.  

Thanks for reading - Have a good one.


Filed under breakup vintage dude the ex relationships kernyen gpoyw

10 notes &

My Song

My days have improved from the last 2 weeks when I first found out about Vintage Dude’s new girlfriend.  I don’t feel like throwing up so much – just the other shit remains; sadness, anger, feelings of betrayal, confusion, fear, etc., but I’m working through it even though sometimes I want to just leave Dodge and not return for a couple of years.  

Wait.  What?  Oh yeah, there’s the “no matter where I go, there I am” thing.  Curses!   So I guess I’ll stay and face the music no matter how sad the song may be.

Filed under vintage dude my ex breakups relationships

13 notes &

Thanks :)

Without support, friends, and family, my healing over the loss of my relationship with Vintage Dude, would be so much harder.  I’m grateful for having such a great network of caring people.  

Same goes for those of you on Tumblr that has reached out to me - you have no idea how much that means to me.

Thank you :)

Hope ya’ll have a good weekend.

Filed under family friends ohana relationships vintage dude the ex

8 notes &

Another Day

I can’t wait for fall.  I’m already tired of summer and all the bullshit that I’ve been living with each day, most of it my own creation.  

Human relationships are amazing, aren’t they?  One moment you’re closer than you’ll ever think you can be with another person and it fills you with this incredible amount of positive energy.  No one can touch it because it’s so damned great.  You’re living life in the fast lane of emotions and it’s full of promise.  

And then that same person becomes somebody you don’t know. You deal with it by denying it, while at the same time struggling to keep the truth at bay.  Then one day the truth is set free.  You start to realize that the person you thought you knew is actually someone you didn’t want to know in the first place. So as you live through the pain of each moment, part of it is acknowledging that you saw the red flags, felt the red flags, and then pretty much assigned each one their own excuse so you could go on living the lie and avoiding the truth which was that the relationship was failing because you weren’t meant for each other.

So what’s left over?  You, kid.  You.

So I’m on the road of healing aka self-discovery and it makes me angry because I wonder just how much this kind of self-discovery can one chick do in a lifetime??  I’m tired of failed relationships.  But at the same time I don’t want to give in to the temptation of throwing in the towel and say, “To hell with relationships! Never again!”

I don’t want to be bitter and cynical about love.  I want to remain hopeful.

Filed under vintage dude the ex break-up relationships

17 notes &

Life Blows

Every day has been a challenge because I feel like hell.   I talk, I smile, and I go through all the other motions of living because no matter how rough life gets, it stops for no one.  And I feel if I don’t go through the motions, I will lose my mind.  So each week I drag myself into work with barely enough energy  to pretend that everything is a-okay. 

Filed under vintage dude my ex breakup life blows relationships